I could really use a hug right now, Professor
by rosepetal704
Summary: Harry Potter wants a hug. Will Snape give him one? And do sparkly high heels, purple motorcycles, and Hopping Hershey's bars have anything to do with it at all? 6th in the Potions Class series.


_Disclaimer: Harry Potter, A Very Potter Musical, Potter Puppet Pals, and Charlie the Unicorn all, sadly, do not belong to me._

Severus Snape sat at his desk in the Potions classroom. He had finished teaching a class of second years ten minutes ago and his next class, the Gryffindor and Slytherin fourth years, would be arriving soon, Harry Potter among them.

When the students began to come in and take their seats, Snape layed eyes on Harry, finding, much to his surprise, that he didn't have his usual arrogant expression or swagger to his steps. Instead, the Boy-Who-Lived looked so miserable that it would have melted anyone's heart. Anyone's but Snape's, that is.

Harry's despair-filled eyes met Snape's glaring ones and he said, in a small, hopeless voice, "I could really use a hug right now, Professor."

Snape sneered. "And I _really_ don't care, Potter."

"But I'm _so_ sad right now! For breakfast I wanted to have chocolate pudding but there was only oatmeal and toast in the Great Hall; so I tried to go down to the kitchens to get some, but Hermione said I should stay and finish my homework. That made me mad and I wanted to throw my crayons at her, but then I realized that I didn't _have_ any crayons because Dobby had stolen them!"

"I have no interest in your petty little problems, Potter, and-"

Snape broke off as Harry flung his arms around him. He hastily pushed him away, glaring. Holding Harry's arms back, he said, "_What_ do you think you're doing, Potter?"

"Why, I'm trying to hug you of course!"

Snape stared blankly at him.

I _told_ you I needed a hug," Harry said patiently, as if speaking to someone with very little intelligence. "I am _upset_, and a hug will brighten up my day."

"But- you...want to hug _me?" _Snape said, looking at Harry like he was an idiot.

"Yep!" was the cheerful reply.

"Go hug one of your adoring fans."

"No, I want to hug _you_," Harry said, once again attempting to put his arms around Snape.

"Absolutely not!" Snape said. "I don't know what insane game you're playing, but I refuse to be a part of it."

Harry gave Snape a wounded puppy dog look. When Snape met it with an evil glare, Harry gave a moan of despair and sank dramatically to the floor. His woe-filled tones rang out across the classroom. "My Potions professor is _so_ mean! My life _sucks_ and he won't even give me a tiny itty bitty little hug! I think I'll go jump off a cliff or drown myself in my cauldrron now, and it will be _all_ his fault because he's a heartless evil git who-"

"_Potter_," Snape interrupted, looking down at Harry as if he were a very disgusting bug, "Get off the floor _now_ and get to your seat."

"Fine," Harry muttered, getting up. "But I _will_ get you to hug me even if it's the last thing I do!"

"Of course you will," Snape said sarcastically.

"Yes, I will! I solemnly swear it by all the candlelit chocolate covered house elves in the world!"

"Ri-ight," Snape muttered as Harry took his seat with the rest of the class, who had been watching their exchange with some amusement.

"Today you will be brewing a color-changing potion. When drinken it turns the drinker's hair a deep shade of either green or blue, depending on what type of Drala leaves were used, and will stay that way until the potion wears off, which usually takes around two hours. Instructions are on the blackboard. Begin."

Harry waved his hand in the air in a manner not unlike Hermione.

Snape scowled. "Do you have a question, Potter?"

"Yes, I do," Harry said enthusiastically. "I've heard that if you add a tiny slab of chocolate to the potion at 10:07 on the night of the full moon, the potion will explode, and in its place will be a tree that grows pieces of chocolates in the shape of cauldrons, and if you eat them you'll be one of the best potion makers in the world! Is that true, Professor?"

"No, it is certainly _not_ true," Snape said. "Where exactly did you hear this nonsense?"

"Luna Lovegood," answered Harry. "She's full of awesome theories!"

"Stupid untrue theories, more like. Now make your potion and stop talking nonsense," Snape snapped.

Harry began his potion along with the rest of the class, but it was only five minutes later when he raised his hand again.

"_What_, Potter?" Snape said, irritated.

"I'm _bored_," Harry whined. "Why is this class so _boring?_ Can't we do something else instead, like have a food fight, except with potion ingrediants?"

"No, we _can't_, so stop interrupting the class with stupid suggestions, or I'll give you detention!" Snape said.

The students went back to making their potions, but soon Harry's hand was up in the air again.

"What _now,_ Potter?" Snape asked impatiently.

"I'm hungry," Harry stated.

"I. Don't. _Care_, Potter," Snape ground out, glaring.

"But I'm _really _hungry," Harry moaned. "What can I have to eat?"

"A potion that will render you incapable of speech, if you don't shut up!"

"Do you have any chocolate pudding? I really want - Hey, I had a funny dream last night," Harry said brightly, suddenly changing the subject. "You were in it, Professor!"

"Potter, I do not care about your dream!" Snape protested, but Harry completely ignored him.

"Okay," he began, "so in my dream I was just hanging out, being awesome, but then you and Hermione came walking down the hall, snogging!"

"What?" Snape yelled in indignation, forgetting about the points he had been about to take, and Hermione blushed furiously.

"So I asked Hermione what the heck she was doing, kissing a greasy git like you, but then this purple motorcycle came hurling out of nowhere! We all dived out of the way and the motorcycle hit the wall and exploded into a dozen pieces. So then we all got up, but we were in a completely different place! The motorcycle pieces were still there, but now we were in some sort of shoe store. There were thousands of shoes floating around in the air! Then Voldemort came out from behind us and said that the shoes were called the Shoes of Insanity, and they made anyone go crazy if they stayed around them too long. And sure enough, you and Hermione started acting really weird. Of course, you were already acting weird, being in love," Harry said with a disapproving look at them.

"I really do _not_ care-" Snape started to say, but once again Harry ignored him.

"But now you started being even weirder!" Harry continued. "You started singing your name, Professor! 'Snape, Snape, Severus Snape,' " Harry imitated in a sing-song voice. "And then you put on a pair of sparkly red high heels and said, 'There's no place like home! Click, click, click!' And the high heels sprouted wings and took you away. And that was the last we saw of _you_," he finished.

Snape just looked at him.

"_What?" _Harry asked. "Why are you staring at me like that? You _always_ look at me like that, like you think I'm a freak or something! I'm _not_ a freak, I tell you, I'm _not!" _Harry ended with a shriek.

Snape continued to look at him, slowly shaking his head in a hopeless manner.

"Well anyway, after you left, Hermione started-"

"_No_, Potter, that is _enough!" _Snape cried. "Detention! Now shut up and make your potion!"

"But I wasn't _done!" _Harry wailed. "There was more to the dream!"

Snape glared and said, "Twenty points fro-"

"Well, Hermione began to-" Harry said loudly.

"Potter-"

"She started acting like a freaky fangirl!" Harry said.

Snape sighed, deciding to simply let Potter tell his ridiculous tale, and then punish him later.

"She hugged Voldemort and begged for his autogragh," Harry continued, obviously pleased that Snape had stopped interrupting, "'but the Dark Lord said that he didn't like girls with bushy brown hair. No offense, Hermione," he added, glancing at her.

Hermione just shook her head in the same hopeless manner that Snape had.

"Well, then Hermione burst into tears, heartbroken," Harry said. "But apparently her tears made the shoes angry, because a black boot kicked her in the head, knocking her unconscious. And then this dude with a crown came riding on a horse that looked like it came from a merry-go-round. He introduced himself as Prince Charming. The man, I mean, not the horse," Harry added. "As far as I know the horse didn't even have a name. Anyway, he kissed Hermione and she woke up, and then they announced that they would be married, because apparently Hermione wasn't all that into you or Voldemort after all, and this prince guy was her _real_ true love. And so they rode away into the sunset, calling after them that they were going to buy all the cell phones in the world to give to the house elves; and then they would proceed to Rainbowland, where they would meet the Jeweled Female Cupcake Eaters and hopefully discover the secret of the Hopping Hershey's Bar. Whatever the heck _that_ meant," Harry said, rolling his eyes.

Much of the class were now giving Harry the same weirded out look that Snape had, but, oblivious to it, he continued. "Me and Voldemort were the only ones who remained uneffected by the Shoes of Insanity. Through it all we just kept our cool, acting like the totally awesome people that we were. And then after you and Hermione left we went and found a couple of super hot chicks! They just _loved_ me and ole' Voldy, so we took them on a double date! It was _awesome! _You know, Voldemort's really a pretty cool person once you get to know him," Harry said thoughtfully. "He bought us all miniature bouncy balls!"

"Are you quite finished?" Snape asked.

"No, not quite," Harry answered. "There's one more thing I forgot. When the motorcycle exploded, I shrank one of the wheels and put it in my pocket. Later I put the bouncy ball there too. And this morning, when I woke up," Harry said in hushed tones, "they were still there. In my pocket."

He began to dig around in his pocket and produced a small bouncy ball and a miniature purple wheel.

The class stared at him in awed silence.

Snape simply rolled his eyes and asked impatiently, "Are you finished now?"

"Yep," Harry said pleasantly.

"Good." Snape smiled sinisterly. "Fifty points from Gryffindor."

"One hundred points from Slytherin," Harry retorted calmly.

"_Excuse_ me?" Snape sneered.

"I said, 'One hundred points from Slytherin.' If you take points from Gryffindor, I'll just take twice as many from Slytherin."

"Your stupidity never ceases to amaze me, Potter. Only teachers and prefects can take points. Surely even someone with as little intelligence as you must realize that."

"Dumbedore gave me special privileges," Harry said smugly.

Snape's face turned very red and he looked outrageous. "We are going to see the headmaster right now, Potter!" he said and strode out the door, robes billowing out behind him.

"Okay," Harry agreed cheerfully, following.

They found Dumbledore in his office. "Headmaster," Snape snapped, "what were you _thinking_, giving Potter _'special privileges' _and allowing him to deduct House points? That is the most-"

"Why Severus, whatever do you mean?" Dumbledore asked, looking surprised. "I never gave Harry permission to take points."

"What? But-" Snape turned to Harry, who was now rolling on the floor, shrieking with laughter.

"Of course he didn't _really_ say I could take points," Harry gasped. "That was just a trick to get you to hug me!"

"But..." Snape began, torn between rage and confusion, "I'm not going to hug you just because you lied to me."

"Professor Dumbledore," Harry said, turning sad, mournful eyes on the headmaster, "I really want a hug, but Professor Snape _refused_."

"Severus," Dumbledore admonished, "give the poor boy a hug, for goodness sake!"

"But _Headmaster_," Snape said disbelievingly,"he is an attention seeking little brat who-"

"That is an order, Severus."

Snape glared. Harry shot him a triumphant look, and then threw his arms around Snape enthusiastically.

Then, he quickly whipped a banana out from inside his robes and stuffed it unceremoniously into Snape's right ear. It fell out onto the floor. Looking down at it in dismay, Harry scooped it back up and tried again.

"It won't fit!" he cried when the banana fell out for a second time.

"Potter," Snape said, pulling away. "What are you _doing?_"

"Trying to put a banana in your ear," Harry answered crossly. "It was the whole reason I wanted to hug you in the first place: so I could get close enough to put it in. But now it won't _work!"_

At Snape's blank look, Harry added, "You know, don't you remember last Potions class? 'The bad in the world will disappear, when in your ear a banana cheers, so go and put a banana in your ear!' " he quoted in a sing-song voice. "I told you to put a banana in your ear, but you wouldn't, so now I tried to put one in for you! It was supposed to make you lighten up and not act so grouchy all the time."

"AURGH!" Snape yelled, seeming to be unable to find any better words to supress his rage. "Potter, you are so _annoying!_ One day I'm actually going to kill you!"

"Uh, _NO_, Professor, that wouldn't work," Harry said scornfully. "I'm the boy that _lived_, not _died_; that would be stupid." He rolled his eyes.

"Why, Severus," said Dumbledore, shocked, "violence isn't permitted in this school; I thought you knew that."

Snape glowered at them both.

"Oh look," Harry said brightly, glancing at his watch. "It's time for my next class."

He nodded to Snape and walked down the hall, the banana still lying on the floor, forgotten.

_**A/N: Thanks for reading! Did anyone get the references? Please, **_**please**_** review! If anyone's still confused about the banana part, you'll understand it better if you read the previous story: HP and Mops, Brooms, and Other Random Stuff.**_


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